Fossiles of You

There are poems stashed under my bed

and the remnants of what you used to be,

and sometimes I cry in spite of myself,

cursed by my own folly.

 

I fell in love with you of all,

and as far as I can tell,

my hopes are lost, my dreams are crushed

and yours are just as well.

 

Arguments lay fresh in my unforgiving mind

and somehow I cannot forget,

the things I love, and the you I cherish

are fossiles to me now….

Hello Again Memories

Well, I suppose I could say hello again,

it’s been quite the very long time.

It feels strange to be speaking to a spirit

such as yourself,

but not nearly as strange as this hectic charade.

 

Trust me when I say that I love you

and your ghost isn’t haunting at all,

but somehow your looming, the times you were swooning

reminds me of days in the fall.

 

You’d invite us over each weekend,

we’d visit for just a short while

and those days that were so easy to live

became harder with only one winter.

 

You promised us you didn’t want

to see the end of the millenium.

Somehow, I guess, you knew how to live

because somehow, you determined your death.

Six days before 2000 you died,

right there on Christmas day.

I grieve because I love you

but smile ’cause you wanted it that way.

A Sweet and Sad Goodbye

I want to tell you goodbye, tell you that while you’re gone, I’ll be missing you

but the words taste so odd on my lips,

so I will silence the words for now.
Surely you know the way I feel,

you know that I’ve placed you somewhere in my heart

and that I’ve tried so hard to lock that place away

for another day.

And yet, the lock just will not close.
After the summer, you will be gone.

It’ll break her apart you know.

Your graduation.

She’s going to try staying happy just for you,

but you and I both know she’ll cry.

And I’ll be left picking up the pieces of her

that fell to the floor when he broke her,

and you won’t be there to help me,

because I’m telling you goodbye.

 

Just please, I beg, with my only soul

that you will not leave for long,

because without you things are harder

and happiness feels all wrong.

Lyrics to a Song for You

Why do I want to cry

when I realize

that soon you will be gone?

Not all that long.

You’ve not that long,

so I’m going to sing a song for you

and you won’t realize how much it’s true.

But it is, because (it may seem weird)

but I care about you.

 

I’ll never hear this song again

without seeing your face.

And the smile that I wish was there

each and every day, and I need you.

And I’ll be there for you.

Even though eventually, you won’t need me anymore.

I’ll sing this song for you

and you won’t know that it’s true,

but every word is true,

because I care about you.

(For once)

Eyes on Me and Mine on You

I grow frigid. Beth can understand

what is wrong.

My arms are tucked underneath

the cafeteria table. He looks at me

and looks at you, but he

cannot see what’s there.

I am even more tense as you stand and approach me.

 

My eyes follow you in secret.

You cannot know just yet.

I’ll tell you when you graduate, so

that I know you’ll never be back.

But still, I find myself captive

of your sweet and loving movements,

I don’t want to lose this thing

that keeps me sane.

 

I fear you as you walk around me,

my fingers tap tap, tap tap.

I breath slowly, deep, and wholely.

You don’t hesitate.

 

You sit down right behind me,

and I refuse to look.

Beth is watching with ove-protective eyes

because she knows what I’m feeling.

She knows that I love you,

she knows you don’t care,

she knows what I hope for

and what I’m like when you’re there.

 

And now, as you sit behind me,

my figers tap so loud,

Beth looks at me, almost a smile on her lips.

“Talk about staring,” she says,

I’m almost confused.

Actually I am confused,

what exactly does this mean for you.

What’s going on?

You’re staring at me?

I’m scared to turn, but I do.

Just slightly.

You don’t notice, but I see you looking at me

as I am looking at you.

You are staring at me.

I love you, and you are staring at me.

Stop looking at me, it makes me nervous.

But somehow, I am comforted…

 

Note from the Author: Yay, this is my first ever poem without rhyme! Well, it has a tiny bit of rhyme, but that was an accident…

Material Things

I kind of like the thought of life

that material things don’t matter

Because the things that don’t mean anything

are the things that make me shatter.

 

I worry at night over my grades

and in the morning how I look

But I learned today that maybe it matters less

than the lessons that I took.

 

I don’t like the thought of death

because I fear the place I’ll go

I don’t know if there are Heaven or Hell

or God, i really don’t know.

So I’m scared of death and losing life

which makes materal things so much more

but I hope with all my breaking heart

that afterlife has it’s allure.

Collette

She smiled in her sorrow

putting away her pain.

She was strong in only for her sister

and her friends that kept her sane.

One would never see Collette

not truly in her heart.

She secreted herself away from the world

that was ripping her apart.

You would never see her father

amd the bruises that he made.

You would never see his fights with Mother

that haunted Collette each day.

Behind her soft blue, misty eyes

you would never see

THe pain she’s hidden all these years

that she could not hide from me.

 

Dedication from the Author: To Collette. May the sun shine brightly on you, my friend, and may the karma that you’ve accumulated through your years of unbridled pain lead you to a happier life in the long run. I love you with all of my heart, my darling sister.

Rain

I do not hate the rain so much

because it makes me pure.

It hides away my teardrops

and the scars I’ve covered for.

And the blood drips down into the grass

where it sinks into the ground.

And I can hide my sobbing eyes

if I don’t make a sound.

Sometimes I wait for just these nights

before I let myself cry.

And someday, when I am older

in the rain I want to die.

The Blue Railways

The small red train rides on small blue tracks

continuing on the country’s path

the broken sun rises to meet

the little train at mountain’s peak.

 

THen the rain cloud blocks the sun

to cause yet more grief to everyone.

The small red train pushes on

as the blure railways whisper their song.

 

Screech! A halt as lightning strokes,

the silver lighting as the feudal pikes.

Cut! Slice the railway in hlaf;

tis a scar that will forever last.
Thus, we see the little train

faiter now for cause of pain.

Soon the silver lightning’s blade

will cut too deep, life forbade.

 

The little red train will swerve and spin,

the conductor will see what he’s got in.

But by then the time will be too late,

the train will drive; it will not wait.

 

THe conductor will lay face down, face down,

and then gone forever will be the ground.

THe train will continue, the blood will flow

and there’ll be no place left to go.
So stop the lightning, put the blade down

step away and lose your frown.

Allow the train to run, let crimson stay.

Will yourself to change, heal your habit’s way.

 

A long, long road lay far ahead.

A road to ponder as you lay in bed.

Happens again, a nasty habit.

With your pain comes more to stab it.

 

Wrong? ‘Tis not, perhaps a phase.

That you shall leave in later days.

Hold the edge, put down the knife,

tell someone of your horrid strife.

 

A lucid dream to accompany your past

trust me when I say the pain shan’t last.

You cannot cut away your fears,

nor those blue railroads to hide your tears.

My Mind is Still a Kid Today

One day I’m going to find myself

alone in the world, I need no one else

but my mind and me, we’ll walk hand in hand.

 

I don’t want to grow up, ever, ever

and I’ll never give up, never, never

because I need no one else, just my mind and me.

 

One day I’ll wake up and I’ll be twenty-one

I can drink, I can drive, but I’ll watch the sun

And I’ll say to myself, I’ll say, I’ll say

“My mind is still a kid today.”

 

The next day I’ll wake to see that I’m forty-five

a chance to live and a chance to thrive

I’ll get up that day and to myself I’ll say

“My mind is still a kid today.”

 

The next day I wake to the end of my life

today I am one-hundred and tomorrow I will die

But I’ll write on a piece of paper to say

“My mind is still a kid today.”

As If

As if I really want to know

that you consider me parthetic

As if I want you to tell me

how easily I make you sick

As if telling me that will make me feel

as if I were alone

As if you words could hurt me anymore

as if I must atone.

As if you are so much greater than me

a king to my lowly serf.

As if I were less than human

and deserving of Death’s glar.

You tell me what you think I know

as if I were to care.

Useless

If happiness cannot be bought

and glee for others can be bought

and worlds collide so far away

what point is it to love today?

If there has never been a greater joy

and we humans are just God’s little toys

and people still see what has been

then why should love not be a sin?

If I’ve no use for such a wrath

and I’ve chosen my every path

then that could lead my mind to know

that love is useless as it shows.

The Speech I Never Gave Him

Note from the Author: Just to let you know before you read, I wrote this when I was extremely angry. There is a bit of profanity in it and I apologize. I’ll place asterisks where the profanity is.

 

I’m angry, just really pissed off that

you haven’t spoken to me in so long.

Why can’t you believe that maybe

I’m not the one that’s wrong?

****it, boy, there are days I just

want to shove your pretty face into the pavement!

 

I’m sad. I cry a lot and I have to say

it is your fault.

Not only did you kill our friendship

you also broke my heart.

I guess it’s not really your fault

that you didn’t love me

but why couldn’t you just explain?

Did you expect me to see?

 

Do you really think I’m that smart?

Because I’m not, that I guarantee you.

I couldn’t figure something like that out.

What did you expect me to do?

 

****it boy! What? Yes, I’m still mad!

Give me one reason why I shouldn’t be!

After all the **** you’ve done to me!

What do you want?

I’m only human.

 

Why can’t you just listen?

Why won’t you speak?

Why do you still give me that stupid look?

Why do you think I’m weak?

Why won’t you yell at me

for yelling at you?

Why am I crying?

What did I do?

 

God, I’m just in love with you.

yes… Still…

But it’s your fault you didn’t hurt me more,

because there’s still a heart to kill.

 

But I’m still angry.

Still mad. Still sad.

Not happy that you couldn’t care,

your soul so iron-clad.

 

**** me to hell if loving you is wrong.

**** me to hell anyway,

I won’t be living long…

I’ll Miss You

 I’m already missing this time that we have

and these days you devote to driving me mad

And the smiles you make quite clear on my face

and the laughs that were ours and cannot be replaced.

I’m already missing you.

 

Not long left you have, so pardon my words

because I’m the last person to say such absurd—

such absurd words!—that come from this smile

the sad one that beds you stay for a while

because I’ll miss you.

 

And I know you’ll return to this place soon enough

but until then the days will be longer and rough

because for once I feel so perfectly content

Please forgive my rambles, they weren’t my intent.

It’s just that…

 

Well, what I’m trying to say is that I like having you there

someone to listen and at least try to care.

And no matter how annoying your questions may be,

it’s best they are asked to dishearten me.

I don’t know why…

 

And what matters most has long gone away

beause just for now, you’ve kept the demons at bay

And I’m sorry that I cannot tell you what’s wrong

but you’d try to fix it, and it’s been over so long.

But…

 

I like that you’re sweet and not like everyone else

and in knowing you, I’m learning myself

So how will I fair when you are gone?

I’ll feel sort of empty, though I won’t be alone.

I don’t know…

I guess I’m just going to miss you…

 

Dedication from the Author: To the one person that will never realize that this is about him or know how much I really care…

Masked

This concept should not seem so new to me

but I’ve forgotten where it is I’m supposed to be.

Slowly, midnight comes and sets for the next day

but I really shouldn’t be living this way.

 

I hide because I’m scared

really terrified of him.

I put up walls to keep others out

and burn my candle dim

I wonder sometimes if I’m right

to hide in such a mask

I quickly realize I shouldn’t care

because I hide the love I lack.

 

And yet, somehow some see through me, and I don’t want them too

They learn the things they shouldn’t know, and somehow they always knew

because the people that can crack me are the ones that know me best

Sometimes I like that thought alone, sometimes I wish they knew less.

 

The life I thought I always loved

now hides behind stained glass

And the eyes that cried a thousand tears

peeks out behind a mask.

The smile here is painted on

with colors that will never fade

And the hope I knew I never wanted

is the game that he has played.